Sunday, February 20, 2011

Surviving the changes

With the start of the new yr - we have decided to get serious about everything that we have always said were going to do. We have been attending an amazing church for the past few months and it def. was the missing piece in our lives. The experience has been wonderful and we really feel at home in the church. The church community has been very welcoming and supportive. The only drawback is that my little princess refuses to go to her classroom. A few wks ago she cried for over 10 minutes and I gave in and went to get her. I really thought I would be relieving the adults watching her but I now realize that I was trying to make myself feel better and have created a bigger problem than before. I'm not quite sure how to tackle this problem - which is irritating me because I solve so many other peoples problems everyday. As my sister pointed out today - she has total control over me and I am the one listening to her. So the next big step on my agenda is to become the parent again. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very strict and nurturing parent - I want my child to be respectful and grateful for everything she has but because of my issues and the fear that I would never have a child - I have spoiled her beyond anything I ever though i would do.

The other big news is that our house is getting healthy again :) I gained almost 100 pounds with my pregnancy and always put myself on the back burner. My focus was completely on my child - I was so afraid that I would lose the gift that God had given me. So have made big changes - we are walking over 2 miles a day and making better choices. This wk has been hard as I quit drinking coke, which was my main source of energy. I have to keep reminding myself that I didn't gain 50 pounds overnight and that it isn't going to come off the first wk. I became very frustrated yesterday because I actually gained weight - why did I give up all of these things I love and cut my food intake by half to gain weight. I work out and watch the biggest loser and in return expect to lose as much as they do. So I'm taking it day by day and pound by pound.

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